Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Guest Post: Samuel Johnson and Anne Snyder on Idleness

An incredible essay by a very intriguing writer who I wish I had read more of in college. Thought each of you would take this as a welcome tonic, whether you fancy yourself a writer, an artist or a creator of something tactile. When Saturday noon comes and you're driven to conceive something new but wind up whittling the day instead, keep this close and take heart! - Anne Snyder

Rambler #134
June 29, 1751
Samuel Johnson

Quix scit, an adjiciant hodiernae crastina summae
Tempora Di superi!

HORACEWho knows if Heaven, with ever bounteous power,
Shall add to-morrow to the present hour?
FRANCIS

I sat yesterday morning employed in deliberating on which, among the various subjects that occurred to my imagination, I should bestow the paper of today. After a short effort of meditation by which nothing was determined, I grew every moment more irresolute, my ideas wandered from the first intention, and I rather wished to think, than thought upon any settled subject; till at last I was awakened from this dream of study by a summons from the press: the time was come for which I had been thus negligently purposing to provide, and, however dubious or sluggish, I was now necessitated to write.
Though to a writer whose design is so comprehensive and miscellaneous that he may accommodate himself with a topic from every scene of life, or view of nature, it is no great aggravation of his task to be obliged to a sudden composition; yet I could not forbear to reproach myself for having so long neglected what was unavoidably to be done, and of which every moment's idleness increased the difficulty. There was however some pleasure in reflecting that I, who had only trifled till diligence was necessary, might still congratulate myself upon my superiority to multitudes who have trifled till diligence is vain; who can by no degree of activity or resolution recover the opportunities which have slipped away; and who are condemned by their own carelessness to hopeless calamity and barren sorrow.
The folly of allowing ourselves to delay what we know cannot be finally escaped is one of the general weaknesses which, in spite of the instruction of moralists, and the remonstrances of reason, prevail to a greater or lesser degree in every mind; even they who most steadily withstand it find it, if not the most violent, the most pertinacious of their passions, always renewing its attacks, and, though often vanquished, never destroyed.
It is indeed natural to have particular regard to the time present, and to be most solicitous for that which is by its nearness enabled to make the strongest impressions. When therefore any sharp pain is to be suffered, or any formidable danger to be incurred, we can scarcely exempt ourselves wholly from the seducements of imagination; we readily believe that another day will bring some support or advantage which we now want; and are easily persuaded, that the moment of necessity, which we desire never to arrive, is at a great distance from us.
Thus life is languished away in the gloom of anxiety, and consumed in collecting resolution which the next morning dissipates; in forming purposes which we scarcely hope to keep, and reconciling ourselves to our own cowardice by excuses which, while we admit them, we know to be absurd. Our firmness is by the continual contemplation of misery hourly impaired; every submission to our fear enlarges its dominion; we not only waste that time in which the evil we dread might have been suffered and surmounted, but even where procrastination produces no absolute increase of our difficulties, make them less superable to ourselves by habitual terrors. When evils cannot be avoided, it is wise to contract the interval of expectation; to meet the mischiefs which will overtake us if we fly; and suffer only their real malignity without the conflicts of doubt and anguish of anticipation.
To act is far easier than to suffer; yet we every day see the progress of life retarded by the vis inertiae, the mere repugnance to motion, and find multitudes repining at the want of that which nothing but idleness hinders them from enjoying. The case of Tantalus, in the region of poetic punishment, was somewhat to be pitied, because the fruits that hung about him retired from his hand; but what tenderness can be claimed by those who, though perhaps they suffer the pains of Tantalus, will never lift their hands for their own relief?
There is nothing more common among this torpid generation than murmurs and complaints; murmurs at uneasiness which only vacancy and suspicion expose them to feel, and complaints of distresses which it is in their own power to remove. Laziness is commonly associated with timidity. Either fear originally prohibits endeavours by infusing despair of success; or the frequent failure of irresolute struggles, and the constant desire of avoiding labour, impress by degrees false terror on the mind. But fear, whether natural or acquired, when once it has full possession of the fancy, never fails to employ it upon visions of calamity, such as, if they are not dissipated by useful employment, will soon overcast it with horrors, and imbitter life not only with those miseries by which all earthly beings are really more or less tormented, but with those which do not yet exist, and which can only be discerned by the perspicacity of cowardice.
Among all who sacrifice future advantage to present inclination, scarcely any gain so little as those that suffer themselves to freeze in idleness. Others are corrupted by some enjoyment of more or less power to gratify the passions; but to neglect our duties merely to avoid the labour of performing them, a labour which is always punctually rewarded, is surely to sink under weak temptations. Idleness never can secure tranquillity; the call of reason and of conscience will pierce the closest pavilion of the sluggard, and, though it may not have force to drive him from his down, will be loud enough to hinder him from sleep. Those moments which he cannot resolve to make useful, by devoting them to the great business of his being, will still be usurped by powers that will not leave them to his disposal; remorse and vexation will seize upon them, and forbid him to enjoy what he is so desirous to appropriate.
There are other causes of inactivity incident to more active faculties and more acute discernment. He to whom many objects of pursuit arise at the same time, will frequently hesitate between different desires till a rival has precluded him, or change his course as new attractions prevail, and harass himself without advancing. He who sees different ways to the same end, will, unless he watches carefully over his own conduct, lay out too much of his attention upon the comparison of probabilities and the adjustment of expedients, and pause in the choice of his road, till some accident intercepts his journey. He whose penetration extends to remote consequences, and who, whenever he applies his attention to any design, discovers new prospects of advantage and possibilities of improvement, will not easily be persuaded that his project is ripe for execution; but will superadd one contrivance to another, endeavour to unite various purposes in one operation, multiply complications, and refine niceties, till he is entangled in his own scheme, and bewildered in the perplexity of various intentions. He that resolves to unite all the beauties of situation in a new purchase must waste his life in roving to no purpose from province to province. He that hopes in the same house to obtain every convenience may draw plans and study Palladio, but will never lay a stone. He will attempt a treatise on some important subject, and amass materials, consult authors, and study all the dependent and collateral parts of learning, but never conclude himself qualified to write. He that has abilities to conceive perfection will not easily be content without it; and, since perfection cannot be reached, will lose the opportunity of doing well in the vain hope of unattainable excellence.
The certainty that life cannot be long, and the probability that it will be much shorter than nature allows, ought to awaken every man to the active prosecution of whatever he is desirous to perform. It is true, that no diligence can ascertain success; death may intercept the swiftest career; but he who is cut off in the execution of an honest undertaking has at least the honour of falling in his rank, and has fought the battle, though he missed the victory.


Typed from an 1826 edition of the Rambler essays, printed in three volumes by Thomas Tegg, London.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

There's a Few Things I'd Like to Say

1. This is the 3rd time I've started this post over. Sometimes it's hard to ice a cake. You keep smoothing it over and over again, and it only makes it less smooth. At which point you should just start eating it, and say, "Fuck you, cake."

2. Today, when I was waiting for the very friendly Starbucks employee in Adam's Morgan to retrieve my lostandfound cell phone from the vault, I picked up the Sunday edition of The New York Times. Which costs $6 apparently. And I responded to the news articles with a feeling of dread and horror and the feeling that I will not be able to survive much longer without finding a consistent creative outlet for dealing with the tiny and massive tragedies that announce themselves to me on a daily basis. I actually love the ritual of a daily gratitude journal, but I think it needs a shadowy counterpart where I can store and alchemize the horrors. I'm thinking a scrapbook kind of sketchbook, but it just makes me disappointed I don't have the basic skills of an artist. Then I could sketch the sadness instead of just farting it awkwardly onto the page. Or maybe poetry would be better. Or a combination of both.

3. Sometimes I forget who I am, and today I remembered that I am very little when I am not a creator. Not writing is like forgetting to eat or sleep. I lose my functionality in other realms - like relating and socializing, doing constructive work in the office, having good judgement about food and cleanliness. Writing makes the wheels stop turning too fast, and reminds me that I exist, the world exists, and I can be in it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Wine.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Swallow.

The burst of flavor reminds me why I spent fifteen dollars on one beverage. Complexity. Body. The thought of an Italian curating grape juice into the experience that is Barbera D'Asti. The slow, steady relaxation.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Bite of Drunken Goat on Ritz.

There are 5 bottles next to my recycling can. Five. Yes, I'm bad at remembering to take out the trash, but this means more than that. This means missing Joe in the inconsolable pit of my stomach; this means stressing over that one key source for my thesis documentary; this means school hanging over my head like a boulder; this means worry about the next career move.

"What will you do when you graduate?"

Umm, exactly what I'm doing now. Maybe. If they hire me. But maybe not. What if I don't want to stay? Geez, it's not like it's undergrad where your whole life changes when you graduate and you leave most of your friends behind, and you leave the ease of walking to Common Grounds or sitting at the Fleur Fountain and seeing 16 people you love to chat with while neglecting your homework.

Sniff. Sip. Swish.

Wine is just my hobby. Right? It's not like I get drunk or drink the whole bottle in one day (unless I have Heidi to help me).

I flip on Ruko or Hulu and watch The Office or Family Guy.

Stewie to Brian: "If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that? Hmm?"

Laugh. Sniff. Sip. Swish.

What was I complaining about again? School is now over; just need to defend my thesis and shake hands with my dean and take that diploma. Joe's traveling work project ends soon; he'll be home to me in June.

Summer is coming. Winter will end.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Ahhh.

Just an idea

So, as I'm peeking my head up out of the sand I've been buried in the past two years (I graduate in 2 weeks--you may now call me "master"), I'm ready to revisit writing for enjoyment and fulfillment again (i.e. creative writing rather than news). So... I have an idea. I'm not sure anyone looks at this anymore; I believe Tasha must every now and again. But: We should do writing prompts to get this blog heated back up. Yea? Nay?

I'm going to write about wine because I see a wine glass on my coffee table (no--not from this morning, silly! From like 2 days ago!). But I will start a new post.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Fictional Apocalyptic Poetry Series - Part 1

With the wisdom of a toddler who
imagines the world is and isn't
when his eyes open and shut,
I imagine - I've been ready for this,
and the timing is good... As if my proclivities pertain
to this matter. Matters of this sort.
A Sun Turned Black. A Sea Made Blood. A Sky Run Dry.

I'd considered these matters in depth
in ninth grade, when I was looking for distraction
from my changing body and my shy lust. Ran my fingers
across the spines of books that worked my nerves.
Whispered my eyes across titles so
charged I could almost feel electricity pumping my heart.
Whore of Babylon. A Holy Remnant. The Beast and the Lamb.

Synthesizing theologies, scanning news for false prophets,
searching myself for certainty; I spun my theories and I spun
my wheels with no where to go - never buying books,
but reading them in store. Five hundred dollars
wouldn't have paid for the volumes my appetite lavished
on me, cross-legged and curious on the carpet.
Postmillenialist. The Thousand Year Reign. Iron Scepter of
the Antichrist.

The Antichrist.

The Antichrist.

In the corner of the Family Bookstore
I trained my mind, refining my ability to recognize
this man (?) who would conduct a symphony
of slaughter while the world shattered, sure I would be sentient
to his origin before his first appearance onscreen.
It's not as clear as I hoped it would be, though. If this is really the first of the last days.
The Great Tribulation. The Last Battle. God's Wrath.

But I'm ready to figure this thing out. I have to believe
the year I spent in the stacks will count for something. I'm ready
for tomorrow to be worse than today. And the next
seven years to kill me and mine more likely than not. Because after -
AFTER the wounds of heaven mar the Earth to its core -
I will hear what "sounds like a great multitude,
like the roar of rushing waters and like loud
peals of thunder, shouting: Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready."

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Well, I'm finally in a situation again in which my bloodline as a Procrasi-national is threatening to ruin me.

Three projects need finishing: A lit review, a revised manuscript, and a cover letter + resume.

Today I am trying to avoid my social nature and hide under a blanket and learn. The sunshine outside is like nails on a chalkboard, and "meeting his sister" like a light at the end of the tunnel. But right now, making tiny bits of progress. Egh.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Summer of '10

I have all the photos picked & cut out for my quilt project, which you see in the post below. I feel so happy. Any step toward completion is a mini-surprise. Like, 'Oh, you're still going on this? Good for you!' 'Still haven't lost interest? Huh. Cool, that's great.' I will post another in-progress picture when I paste them on the board... God willing.

Oh, right, so I got this last batch of 7 B&W pictures of women artists (or subjects of artists) from a publication of the UC Berkeley Art Museum. [There was this wild video exhibit there I highly recommend. Weird. Like watching a train wreck right itself, kind of.] And so I got this publication and it's printed on that great better-&-thicker-than-newsprint kind of paper that I love to touch, cut & paste.

I can appreciate that my projects require the sort of surprise!found objects that take time to aquire. Decorating my bedroom was like that. So many small purchases so few and far between. And I LOVE the results! Now when I look at this motivational quilt (so much better than a motivational speech, I say) I will always think back to my great day wandering Berkeley in the summer of '10.