Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Guest Post: Samuel Johnson and Anne Snyder on Idleness

An incredible essay by a very intriguing writer who I wish I had read more of in college. Thought each of you would take this as a welcome tonic, whether you fancy yourself a writer, an artist or a creator of something tactile. When Saturday noon comes and you're driven to conceive something new but wind up whittling the day instead, keep this close and take heart! - Anne Snyder

Rambler #134
June 29, 1751
Samuel Johnson

Quix scit, an adjiciant hodiernae crastina summae
Tempora Di superi!

HORACEWho knows if Heaven, with ever bounteous power,
Shall add to-morrow to the present hour?
FRANCIS

I sat yesterday morning employed in deliberating on which, among the various subjects that occurred to my imagination, I should bestow the paper of today. After a short effort of meditation by which nothing was determined, I grew every moment more irresolute, my ideas wandered from the first intention, and I rather wished to think, than thought upon any settled subject; till at last I was awakened from this dream of study by a summons from the press: the time was come for which I had been thus negligently purposing to provide, and, however dubious or sluggish, I was now necessitated to write.
Though to a writer whose design is so comprehensive and miscellaneous that he may accommodate himself with a topic from every scene of life, or view of nature, it is no great aggravation of his task to be obliged to a sudden composition; yet I could not forbear to reproach myself for having so long neglected what was unavoidably to be done, and of which every moment's idleness increased the difficulty. There was however some pleasure in reflecting that I, who had only trifled till diligence was necessary, might still congratulate myself upon my superiority to multitudes who have trifled till diligence is vain; who can by no degree of activity or resolution recover the opportunities which have slipped away; and who are condemned by their own carelessness to hopeless calamity and barren sorrow.
The folly of allowing ourselves to delay what we know cannot be finally escaped is one of the general weaknesses which, in spite of the instruction of moralists, and the remonstrances of reason, prevail to a greater or lesser degree in every mind; even they who most steadily withstand it find it, if not the most violent, the most pertinacious of their passions, always renewing its attacks, and, though often vanquished, never destroyed.
It is indeed natural to have particular regard to the time present, and to be most solicitous for that which is by its nearness enabled to make the strongest impressions. When therefore any sharp pain is to be suffered, or any formidable danger to be incurred, we can scarcely exempt ourselves wholly from the seducements of imagination; we readily believe that another day will bring some support or advantage which we now want; and are easily persuaded, that the moment of necessity, which we desire never to arrive, is at a great distance from us.
Thus life is languished away in the gloom of anxiety, and consumed in collecting resolution which the next morning dissipates; in forming purposes which we scarcely hope to keep, and reconciling ourselves to our own cowardice by excuses which, while we admit them, we know to be absurd. Our firmness is by the continual contemplation of misery hourly impaired; every submission to our fear enlarges its dominion; we not only waste that time in which the evil we dread might have been suffered and surmounted, but even where procrastination produces no absolute increase of our difficulties, make them less superable to ourselves by habitual terrors. When evils cannot be avoided, it is wise to contract the interval of expectation; to meet the mischiefs which will overtake us if we fly; and suffer only their real malignity without the conflicts of doubt and anguish of anticipation.
To act is far easier than to suffer; yet we every day see the progress of life retarded by the vis inertiae, the mere repugnance to motion, and find multitudes repining at the want of that which nothing but idleness hinders them from enjoying. The case of Tantalus, in the region of poetic punishment, was somewhat to be pitied, because the fruits that hung about him retired from his hand; but what tenderness can be claimed by those who, though perhaps they suffer the pains of Tantalus, will never lift their hands for their own relief?
There is nothing more common among this torpid generation than murmurs and complaints; murmurs at uneasiness which only vacancy and suspicion expose them to feel, and complaints of distresses which it is in their own power to remove. Laziness is commonly associated with timidity. Either fear originally prohibits endeavours by infusing despair of success; or the frequent failure of irresolute struggles, and the constant desire of avoiding labour, impress by degrees false terror on the mind. But fear, whether natural or acquired, when once it has full possession of the fancy, never fails to employ it upon visions of calamity, such as, if they are not dissipated by useful employment, will soon overcast it with horrors, and imbitter life not only with those miseries by which all earthly beings are really more or less tormented, but with those which do not yet exist, and which can only be discerned by the perspicacity of cowardice.
Among all who sacrifice future advantage to present inclination, scarcely any gain so little as those that suffer themselves to freeze in idleness. Others are corrupted by some enjoyment of more or less power to gratify the passions; but to neglect our duties merely to avoid the labour of performing them, a labour which is always punctually rewarded, is surely to sink under weak temptations. Idleness never can secure tranquillity; the call of reason and of conscience will pierce the closest pavilion of the sluggard, and, though it may not have force to drive him from his down, will be loud enough to hinder him from sleep. Those moments which he cannot resolve to make useful, by devoting them to the great business of his being, will still be usurped by powers that will not leave them to his disposal; remorse and vexation will seize upon them, and forbid him to enjoy what he is so desirous to appropriate.
There are other causes of inactivity incident to more active faculties and more acute discernment. He to whom many objects of pursuit arise at the same time, will frequently hesitate between different desires till a rival has precluded him, or change his course as new attractions prevail, and harass himself without advancing. He who sees different ways to the same end, will, unless he watches carefully over his own conduct, lay out too much of his attention upon the comparison of probabilities and the adjustment of expedients, and pause in the choice of his road, till some accident intercepts his journey. He whose penetration extends to remote consequences, and who, whenever he applies his attention to any design, discovers new prospects of advantage and possibilities of improvement, will not easily be persuaded that his project is ripe for execution; but will superadd one contrivance to another, endeavour to unite various purposes in one operation, multiply complications, and refine niceties, till he is entangled in his own scheme, and bewildered in the perplexity of various intentions. He that resolves to unite all the beauties of situation in a new purchase must waste his life in roving to no purpose from province to province. He that hopes in the same house to obtain every convenience may draw plans and study Palladio, but will never lay a stone. He will attempt a treatise on some important subject, and amass materials, consult authors, and study all the dependent and collateral parts of learning, but never conclude himself qualified to write. He that has abilities to conceive perfection will not easily be content without it; and, since perfection cannot be reached, will lose the opportunity of doing well in the vain hope of unattainable excellence.
The certainty that life cannot be long, and the probability that it will be much shorter than nature allows, ought to awaken every man to the active prosecution of whatever he is desirous to perform. It is true, that no diligence can ascertain success; death may intercept the swiftest career; but he who is cut off in the execution of an honest undertaking has at least the honour of falling in his rank, and has fought the battle, though he missed the victory.


Typed from an 1826 edition of the Rambler essays, printed in three volumes by Thomas Tegg, London.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

There's a Few Things I'd Like to Say

1. This is the 3rd time I've started this post over. Sometimes it's hard to ice a cake. You keep smoothing it over and over again, and it only makes it less smooth. At which point you should just start eating it, and say, "Fuck you, cake."

2. Today, when I was waiting for the very friendly Starbucks employee in Adam's Morgan to retrieve my lostandfound cell phone from the vault, I picked up the Sunday edition of The New York Times. Which costs $6 apparently. And I responded to the news articles with a feeling of dread and horror and the feeling that I will not be able to survive much longer without finding a consistent creative outlet for dealing with the tiny and massive tragedies that announce themselves to me on a daily basis. I actually love the ritual of a daily gratitude journal, but I think it needs a shadowy counterpart where I can store and alchemize the horrors. I'm thinking a scrapbook kind of sketchbook, but it just makes me disappointed I don't have the basic skills of an artist. Then I could sketch the sadness instead of just farting it awkwardly onto the page. Or maybe poetry would be better. Or a combination of both.

3. Sometimes I forget who I am, and today I remembered that I am very little when I am not a creator. Not writing is like forgetting to eat or sleep. I lose my functionality in other realms - like relating and socializing, doing constructive work in the office, having good judgement about food and cleanliness. Writing makes the wheels stop turning too fast, and reminds me that I exist, the world exists, and I can be in it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Wine.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Swallow.

The burst of flavor reminds me why I spent fifteen dollars on one beverage. Complexity. Body. The thought of an Italian curating grape juice into the experience that is Barbera D'Asti. The slow, steady relaxation.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Bite of Drunken Goat on Ritz.

There are 5 bottles next to my recycling can. Five. Yes, I'm bad at remembering to take out the trash, but this means more than that. This means missing Joe in the inconsolable pit of my stomach; this means stressing over that one key source for my thesis documentary; this means school hanging over my head like a boulder; this means worry about the next career move.

"What will you do when you graduate?"

Umm, exactly what I'm doing now. Maybe. If they hire me. But maybe not. What if I don't want to stay? Geez, it's not like it's undergrad where your whole life changes when you graduate and you leave most of your friends behind, and you leave the ease of walking to Common Grounds or sitting at the Fleur Fountain and seeing 16 people you love to chat with while neglecting your homework.

Sniff. Sip. Swish.

Wine is just my hobby. Right? It's not like I get drunk or drink the whole bottle in one day (unless I have Heidi to help me).

I flip on Ruko or Hulu and watch The Office or Family Guy.

Stewie to Brian: "If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that? Hmm?"

Laugh. Sniff. Sip. Swish.

What was I complaining about again? School is now over; just need to defend my thesis and shake hands with my dean and take that diploma. Joe's traveling work project ends soon; he'll be home to me in June.

Summer is coming. Winter will end.

Sniff. Sip. Swish. Ahhh.

Just an idea

So, as I'm peeking my head up out of the sand I've been buried in the past two years (I graduate in 2 weeks--you may now call me "master"), I'm ready to revisit writing for enjoyment and fulfillment again (i.e. creative writing rather than news). So... I have an idea. I'm not sure anyone looks at this anymore; I believe Tasha must every now and again. But: We should do writing prompts to get this blog heated back up. Yea? Nay?

I'm going to write about wine because I see a wine glass on my coffee table (no--not from this morning, silly! From like 2 days ago!). But I will start a new post.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Fictional Apocalyptic Poetry Series - Part 1

With the wisdom of a toddler who
imagines the world is and isn't
when his eyes open and shut,
I imagine - I've been ready for this,
and the timing is good... As if my proclivities pertain
to this matter. Matters of this sort.
A Sun Turned Black. A Sea Made Blood. A Sky Run Dry.

I'd considered these matters in depth
in ninth grade, when I was looking for distraction
from my changing body and my shy lust. Ran my fingers
across the spines of books that worked my nerves.
Whispered my eyes across titles so
charged I could almost feel electricity pumping my heart.
Whore of Babylon. A Holy Remnant. The Beast and the Lamb.

Synthesizing theologies, scanning news for false prophets,
searching myself for certainty; I spun my theories and I spun
my wheels with no where to go - never buying books,
but reading them in store. Five hundred dollars
wouldn't have paid for the volumes my appetite lavished
on me, cross-legged and curious on the carpet.
Postmillenialist. The Thousand Year Reign. Iron Scepter of
the Antichrist.

The Antichrist.

The Antichrist.

In the corner of the Family Bookstore
I trained my mind, refining my ability to recognize
this man (?) who would conduct a symphony
of slaughter while the world shattered, sure I would be sentient
to his origin before his first appearance onscreen.
It's not as clear as I hoped it would be, though. If this is really the first of the last days.
The Great Tribulation. The Last Battle. God's Wrath.

But I'm ready to figure this thing out. I have to believe
the year I spent in the stacks will count for something. I'm ready
for tomorrow to be worse than today. And the next
seven years to kill me and mine more likely than not. Because after -
AFTER the wounds of heaven mar the Earth to its core -
I will hear what "sounds like a great multitude,
like the roar of rushing waters and like loud
peals of thunder, shouting: Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready."

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Well, I'm finally in a situation again in which my bloodline as a Procrasi-national is threatening to ruin me.

Three projects need finishing: A lit review, a revised manuscript, and a cover letter + resume.

Today I am trying to avoid my social nature and hide under a blanket and learn. The sunshine outside is like nails on a chalkboard, and "meeting his sister" like a light at the end of the tunnel. But right now, making tiny bits of progress. Egh.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Summer of '10

I have all the photos picked & cut out for my quilt project, which you see in the post below. I feel so happy. Any step toward completion is a mini-surprise. Like, 'Oh, you're still going on this? Good for you!' 'Still haven't lost interest? Huh. Cool, that's great.' I will post another in-progress picture when I paste them on the board... God willing.

Oh, right, so I got this last batch of 7 B&W pictures of women artists (or subjects of artists) from a publication of the UC Berkeley Art Museum. [There was this wild video exhibit there I highly recommend. Weird. Like watching a train wreck right itself, kind of.] And so I got this publication and it's printed on that great better-&-thicker-than-newsprint kind of paper that I love to touch, cut & paste.

I can appreciate that my projects require the sort of surprise!found objects that take time to aquire. Decorating my bedroom was like that. So many small purchases so few and far between. And I LOVE the results! Now when I look at this motivational quilt (so much better than a motivational speech, I say) I will always think back to my great day wandering Berkeley in the summer of '10.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Alone with a quilt




I've been listening to Fresh Air podcasts by Terri Gross (who annoys me to no end... but somehow hosts her own show and attracts creative people at the top of their career to come talk to her).  I'm collecting all the creative energy I can, and embarking on phase 2 of my quilt of creative inspiration. the 2 women in the photos I have pasted on & painted over are featured artists at the Smithsonian Hirshhorn sculpture gallery. They belong here. I'll be using mostly wise phrases from that epically long post Erin put up long ago. "Oblique Strategies." Aren't obliques the muscles on the side of your abs? Hmmm... Anyway. I've been overwhelmed lately with the number of projects I have in the refrigerator, and worrying they will spoil, and out of angst eating out all the time instead (i.e. watching TV, hanging out with peeps, taking 2 hours to book a fucking flight). So, after listening to gross Gross interview the Oscar nominated directors of 2010, a film critic fresh out of Cannes 2010, and the creators of The Wire & Treme, I decided to take 1 step forward on this project. I suppose in finished form it's intended to inject life into future projects with its written words' warmth & wit & with the accomplished faces peering kindly out. An invitation, ultimately, hanging on my wall. That's the idea.

Also, this is my first night living alone. (Another roommate bites the dust.) If only I could afford $1300/mo on my own, I'd probably remain. There is a lot of peace in this place when the only sounds are my thoughts. But alas solitude costs more than I make... So I'll probably move out Aug. 1. But until then, I hope to milk the solace for all it's little teets are worth.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My IEP

Ok, I tried the blackboard checklist (only one item to start with, so more like a sign than checklist), per Erin's whiteboard example. & for 1) It was nice to get my old notes down! Felt like a Procrasti-killing act. & for 2) I actually did it. (Sorted my laundry after 2 months of Procrasti, and ultimately resorting to bathing suit bottoms for undies.) & for 3) It's nice to have a conversation with myself that way. (I wrote coaxing words on the sign. & instead of a check mark, I wrote Thank You India for some reason.) I've been trying to have frequenter intimate exchanges with myself- extending kindness instead of always the hustle & bustle business relationship. -Did you do the dishes? -No, I didn't have time... -Fine. I'll do them. (That's the stuff of a bad marriage. And I want to embody LOVE. Within. And spilling out.) I even had a date with myselves in the park today. We had a good talk. So, point being, Blackboard Phase 1 a success. I think I'll keep the items under 3 for now, though. Like an IEP. (An Independent Learning Plan is what the special kids get, y'know.) We'll see how that comes and goes.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Dreaming or Doing, That is the Question

The land of make-believe will always keep me from waking up early to "Get Stuff Done." Why would I close the door to dreams when I don't have a gun pointed to my head? This morning I went to a party in a huge basement covered in tin foil, that had six bands on six stages & they would take turns playing. I hung out with my family in Loomis, and my brother Eames talked in a Gabriel Byrne accent the whole time. I kissed my boyfriend in Vegas (not like a wedding chapel, haha, just a slot machine bank). 


How is that less important that separating my laundry so that on sunday I can paint instead of doing laundry?? Dreaming is the stuff of painting! I'm thinking of never doing laundry again. Sending it out instead. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to check prices today. Two months of avoidance is enough. I'm taking control of my life by Sleeping In and Paying People to Do Things For Me.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Moving

I put up two white boards in my bedroom. One has long-term goals on it, and is big. The other has daily tasks on it, and is half the size.

I haven't altered the long-term goals one in a while, although I should - some of them have changed, and I think some of them could be more specific. I think I will do that right as soon as I publish this post.

I have not been clearing the daily tasks board daily, so maybe it is a weekly tasks board. If I sit up in bed, it hangs on the wall opposite me. I think having Must Dos hit me in the eye every time I get out of bed has helped me keep cognizant of what steps I need to take to get where I need to be.

I am researching graduate schools. Right now on the top of my list are Syracuse and Unviersity of Oklahoma, although I must admit the tornados yesterday kind of knocked OK down a little. A lot. (Why is it that none of the Craigslist rental ads assure me that I will have a basement or cellar? Shouldn't that be standard in Norman, Oklahoma, which is right in Tornado Alley? Doing a keyword search of those terms yields nothing. Crazy? Crazy.)

I am beginning to study for the GRE with Kaplan's guide, which is conversational and talks to me the way I like to be talked to: dirty. Haha, jk. It talks to me sensibly and tells me the math will not be a problem as long as I fully understand the critical reasoning behind the four or five basic types of math problems that appear on the test, and that that is totes doable. Thank you, Kaplan. I love you.

What else? I am wearing a pretty dress to work tomorrow. I shaved my legs in preparation (twice in one week, what has come over me?!). I am going to apply to a few more jobs right now. I just paid off two small remainders on credit cards. Peace, peace, peace of mind.

At work today I had little to do so I wrote a paragraph of ideas for the novel. The novel about two girls who are friends. Lately I have been writing about this band they are in and the songs they sing/yell. (Noise rock electronica experiemental band, of course.) Actually lately the theme is pulling itself toward an identity of: being about how: the protag wants to be an artist - a writer, a musician, a painter, a conceptual artist - but nothing ever quite materializes. I want the reader to want to strangle her for not making anything truly happen, always being full of ideas and not any realization of them. SOUND FAMILIAR??

That's my update. Ciao!

Photo Display in May

Today my main administrative task at the International Services Office was to create a photo display to use at an ISO Graduation Reception, and after adorn the blah walls of the ISO. This was the perfect gateway into Artsy Fartsy May! I scoured the photo archives for quality large and small group photos (Halloween Party, Apple Picking, Cherry Blossom Festival, Easter Egg Dying...), printed the ten best shots on 8.5"x11" glossy paper using Kodak photo ink, matted them on 11"x14" black spongey boards, and got 10 black business card holders at Staples to stand them up. The end result was stunning, if I do say so. AND I stayed under budget! Later this week I'll post a picture of the display, so you can decide for yourself if I have a future as an art gallerista...

Monday, May 10, 2010

who knows where the wind blows

i finished my last assignment today & decided to take the rest of may to avoid cerebral activities. like trying to fix up essays for submission for publication.

painting the quote quilt for the living room is acceptable. dance classes, ok. exploring the city, great. maybe even turning that into a dating in dc on a dime blog, fine.  toying with a screenplay synopsis, fun.

just nothing academic. only things with soul and beauty and mess. projects that make my heart flutter & my thoughts dance. jazz, not bach. this is my creative vacation. laaaaaa!!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

When I was a kid...

I once told my grandparents I was going to go write in my diarrhea. 

That is about all I can manage to get myself back on this blog.  I miss you lovies!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Job Hunting Tips

My professor kicks ass.

He's this charicature of an old-school investigative reporter - I mean, he literally digs through financial disclosure forms from Members of Congress to see where there being sketchy. He called out the Ethics Committee for circumventing the law (by accident) on an instruction form. He actually makes things happen with his articles.

Every time I talk to him, I feel like getting a job is POSSIBLE. His perspective on the hunt is like something out of those movies where the main character knows she'll get a job where she wants... and (after hard work) she gets one. Then ends up running the place.

I want to be that main character.

Here are some tips I gathered from him:

- You are looking for the answer to one question: WHO HAS MY JOB?
- Be persistent. (but not stalkerish)

Cover Letters
- Don't give a BS I'm-selling-myself shpeal. They can tell.
- Put heart into cover letters, think of it as a LETTER to someone
- STRONG WRITING.
- Tell a story; your story. This is who I am, these have been my strengths, this is why I'm interested in you, this is why we might be friends...
- Write something they'll remember, not "I am a team player" BS.
- DO NOT use a form letter you send to everyone; write each letter from scratch
- Ask questions in the letter; you're inquiring; you want to learn more
- Tell them you'll follow up with a phone call in a week... then DO IT.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

i drove all niiiiiight to get to you, is that alriiiiiight?

i know i'm gonna pay for it, but it sure feels good to get to the end of a project and kinda like the result. all i need to complete now is a conclusion & bring up all the things my paper failed to cover. "what would jesus internationalize?" pshaw. i'm so gimmicky. it's how i bring my teenage girl spunk into academia, though. there's no avoiding it.

k, after writing for 15 hrs straight, im gonna take a nap before work. this day is gonna pull my hair out.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Crazy Stitch Por Vida

I slammed down four glass bottles of Starbucks frappucino this morning so that I'd get something accomplished. It worked - it scared off the sluggish tired foggy brain and stepped in there and handled shit. HANDLED IT. I wonder if that's how kids with ADD feel when they start taking Ritalin? Like, Wow, I can actually use my brain now! I wonder if I have ADD but probably more likely I have some kind of deficiency or allergy that I don't know about that's causing the symptoms of brain fog, difficulty focusing, sluggishness, etc. It's been like this for years and years and years and years and I've blamed it on Mono, Depression, Relationship Failure, Moral Failure...

That's one of the reasons I started this blog with gusto then abandoned it. For a little while after I escaped Relationship Failure I felt light and free and like I could fly all around like a little bird. But. I am back to feeling like an old smelly dog who's on his last leg. Which is how I've felt for... I don't even know how long now. Ug.

But anyway. My resume now looks snazzy and professional and like the person using it is a youngin who knows how to use a computer and has a sense of modern design. It's maybe a bit paragraphey but so am I. Also, are not text boxes the complete shizznit in Microsoft Word? There is absolutely no other way to communicate to that program how I want my documents to look without using them.

So. There's all that. I have been falling down a lot lately, metaphorically. I have fallen off the wagon of not procrastinating. I have yet to find the fortitude to go forth and pursue Life and Goals and not waste time. Or I have found it, but only in caffeine. I am disappointed in myself but not hopeless. So. I went back home to live in Procrasti (it's where all my stuff is!) but I am putting together the necessary paperwork to get my visa in order to get the hell out of here soon. I mean that on so many levels. It's lately become apparent to me that I need to live on my own to make my life what I want it to be, so I have been purely focused on that goal, which is... overwhelming, to say the least.

Actually though there were all these plastic bags from my work. Thick, glossy plastic that feels expensive, that you just know will linger around landfills for longer than you'll be alive and in your coffin put together. Any, any, any other employee would have thrown them the fuck away without thinking twice. But I saved them all in a box and secretly put them in the trunk of my car. I am planning on cutting them all open so they're flat, then sewing them together into a giant plastic quilt-thing with white thread, then getting red and black thread and sewing on a message about the environment. Either a famous poignant environment quote (Whitman?) or a statistic about how long it takes plastic to biodegrade, or both, or something I word myself... and then probably I will sew in a picture of a tree in brown and green thread and a bird in blue and orange thread. To be clear, I don't know how to sew except that you put the needle in and out of the fabric. I mean, I have sewed things, but they were crazy-stiched, illegally, without Proper Home Ec Knowledge. But that will just make my giant plastic environment quilt look EVEN COOLER.

So I've got that project in my mind. In my mind, in my mind. Now if I can just get it out through my hands...

when to be at the whim

i need a violently structured and detailed outline to feel safe beginning an essay. but i can't for the life of my respect its authority. it can be perfect & brilliant, but i every time i deviate entirely and write in free-flow. i rush in like a city planner- then do a quickchange and am flannery o'conner, clueless of her story's end as she begins it!

i WANT to obey the roman numerals and 1's, 2's 3's but am so stream of consciousness. this is just another manifestation of the Great Big Dichotomy i am. dual nature, yin yang, wah wah wah wah. i'm gonna keep writing now, but figured this reflection belonged on the blog about creative process.

procrasti no more, but i want to be a better citizen in this new land... build strong creative muscles and be less at the whim of my instincts! or at least choose WHEN to be at the whim.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Question of the DAY

;)

I couldn't resist. I like you guys. And it's so nice to escape to a safe space after churning out 8 pgs of research paper, dissolving into tears over it in the arms of a totally supportive boyfriend, and returning to it skeptical that is has anything of value to offer anyone.

So the Q is...

How do you get up in the morning? Is it difficult to face the day or thrilling? Do you have any tricks or routines?

I anticipate a struggle tomorrow morning, the goal of 8 more hours of input looming. Generally, during the snooze butt routine, I cycle through conversations with myself until I find one that compels me to climb out of bed and into the shower. It could be as simple as promising a homemade cheese waffle, or getting to wear a new scarf, or remembering a new episode of 30Rock would be available.

Other times (like this morning) I can't stay under the covers another minute - the muse is calling. I have to hurry to jot down what she is offering me, before is vanishes. And HOTDAMN how fast her shadow passes. Sometimes, once I finally get a pen in my hand, I sit and sit and sit and KNOW I had it just a second ago, but can't for the life of me find it now! The sudden answer, sentence, name of a source. I'm getting quicker though. It's the only way.

The silliest trick I've ever used to make morning productive was to hide a Hershey's kiss under my pillow & eat it when my alarm went off. That is literally the only way I could face 430am with my tennis shoes for a pre-work power walk. Who does that?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Question of the Week!

What sort of indiosyncratic demands does your muse make, before it will open up your creative floodgates?

My hair must be pulled up tight in a bun atop my head (what WOULD I do if I cut it short??). A robust caffeinated drink must be flowing through my passageways. All my materials must be nearby. I must have at least a 5hr block of time. Earplugs might be resorted to, even in a silent room. I MUST work in a vacuum. A humble prayerful sigh must be sent to the muse, as I am entirely at her mercy, it seems. (Elizabeth Gilbert might disagree.) And I must be wearing verrry tight spandex clothes from decollete to ankles. A blanket is nice. Time. The plate glass time window is most important. And absolutely no interruptions can threaten to peek in on my intellectual nakedness. Partial nudity means partial brilliance.

Hmmm... I like to think of this as a conversation with Anais. I feel like it's a conversation she must have shared with many a neurotic artiste.