Crazy Stitch Por Vida

I slammed down four glass bottles of Starbucks frappucino this morning so that I'd get something accomplished. It worked - it scared off the sluggish tired foggy brain and stepped in there and handled shit. HANDLED IT. I wonder if that's how kids with ADD feel when they start taking Ritalin? Like, Wow, I can actually use my brain now! I wonder if I have ADD but probably more likely I have some kind of deficiency or allergy that I don't know about that's causing the symptoms of brain fog, difficulty focusing, sluggishness, etc. It's been like this for years and years and years and years and I've blamed it on Mono, Depression, Relationship Failure, Moral Failure...

That's one of the reasons I started this blog with gusto then abandoned it. For a little while after I escaped Relationship Failure I felt light and free and like I could fly all around like a little bird. But. I am back to feeling like an old smelly dog who's on his last leg. Which is how I've felt for... I don't even know how long now. Ug.

But anyway. My resume now looks snazzy and professional and like the person using it is a youngin who knows how to use a computer and has a sense of modern design. It's maybe a bit paragraphey but so am I. Also, are not text boxes the complete shizznit in Microsoft Word? There is absolutely no other way to communicate to that program how I want my documents to look without using them.

So. There's all that. I have been falling down a lot lately, metaphorically. I have fallen off the wagon of not procrastinating. I have yet to find the fortitude to go forth and pursue Life and Goals and not waste time. Or I have found it, but only in caffeine. I am disappointed in myself but not hopeless. So. I went back home to live in Procrasti (it's where all my stuff is!) but I am putting together the necessary paperwork to get my visa in order to get the hell out of here soon. I mean that on so many levels. It's lately become apparent to me that I need to live on my own to make my life what I want it to be, so I have been purely focused on that goal, which is... overwhelming, to say the least.

Actually though there were all these plastic bags from my work. Thick, glossy plastic that feels expensive, that you just know will linger around landfills for longer than you'll be alive and in your coffin put together. Any, any, any other employee would have thrown them the fuck away without thinking twice. But I saved them all in a box and secretly put them in the trunk of my car. I am planning on cutting them all open so they're flat, then sewing them together into a giant plastic quilt-thing with white thread, then getting red and black thread and sewing on a message about the environment. Either a famous poignant environment quote (Whitman?) or a statistic about how long it takes plastic to biodegrade, or both, or something I word myself... and then probably I will sew in a picture of a tree in brown and green thread and a bird in blue and orange thread. To be clear, I don't know how to sew except that you put the needle in and out of the fabric. I mean, I have sewed things, but they were crazy-stiched, illegally, without Proper Home Ec Knowledge. But that will just make my giant plastic environment quilt look EVEN COOLER.

So I've got that project in my mind. In my mind, in my mind. Now if I can just get it out through my hands...